Coming from an abusive and dysfunctional family, I didn’t have much idea what a healthy relationship was.
All the relationships I had were very volatile. Even when they got physical I would convince myself It wasn’t one sided, that it wasn’t abuse, even though I was the one with the bruises and the black eyes.
I had undiagnosed depression and self medicated to deal with it and years went by.
Then I finally got the right kind of counselling in a safe environment and the time to sort all the stuff I had been hiding from for decades.
The counselling brought me to the Freedom Program course. The penny really dropped when I told my 23 yr old daughter that I was doing a course in domestic abuse that she said to me, “Why..? You’ve never been abused!” I said, ” What about when “he” kicked me in the face, and my eye was swollen closed and it was a mess for weeks.?!” She looked at me and said: “but it was only a black eye!”
That was when I really realised just how deep the effects of domestic abuse can run, how hiding and minimising abusive behaviour to my daughter, had given her an unreal and dangerously screwed up idea of what a family was.
I have done a lot more courses. Through counselling, learned exercises, to to help my self worth and coping mechanisms to deal with my anxieties, I have been diagnosed by a G.P and take a prescribed medication now. With the counselling and courses, I am well, happy and live a life I never thought possible!
There is light at the end of the tunnel!